Your Life Will Change

With out a doubt my favorite word of "advice" that I heard while pregnant was "your life will change". I always found that a bit ironic. For nine months all I could think about is how my life was going to change....but I did not realize how much.

Today was my first day on my own with my baby. My husband had to go back to work and surprisingly the thought of being solo with the baby all day long kind of terrified me. I am not really sure why. Maybe because all of the craziness of my job, the stress of my usual day to day life did little to prepare me for the reality of becoming a mom. My life has changed forever and sometimes I am not really sure how to deal with that change. On one hand becoming a mom has been a beautiful experience. I am experiencing a new kind of love that I had not felt before, and yet I also realize that life as I know it is over. I realize how I am used to coming and going as I please and up until now have lived a pretty fast pace lifestyle. I am used to projects at work and coming up with a solution to solve them. I like to try and "fix" and "plan" my life.

As I sit here and type it is 2:40 in the afternoon. I have not had a chance to change out of my pajamas yet. My face is unwashed and I am still wearing my bathrobe. For some reason today my little baby will not nap unless I am holding her and when I think she is sleeping and try to put her down she wakes up. I was not prepared for this.

I realize there will be good days and there will be bad days. Nothing prepared me for how emotionally attached I would feel to this new person, and yet miss the life I used to have. It is both exciting and overwhelming. I realize that this time in her life and mine will be brief as each day she grows a little more and becomes her own little person. I love being a mom, but am also very aware of the fact that the life that I knew has now changed forever. Life now is not better or worse than before. It is just a whole new chapter in my life.